"We can talk about everything, but please do not talk about Religion and Politics. We want this to be a nice evening."Have you heard that sentence before? Have you encouraged your guests to avoid these sensitive topics as well?
I can understand you so well!
These topics are often avoided for many reasons:
What if we share a different opinion? Will we end up fighting?
Whatever our opinion is—will it change anything?
That one person with the strong opinion... Are they really qualified to speak with such certainty? Do they have all the data to make a point, or is it just a confident guess?
Better not even start touching these topics.
I personally think we are getting it wrong here. It’s a bit like avoiding the word "problem" in corporate environments: "We don’t have problems; we have opportunities, challenges—but not problems."
After an explosion occurred during the Apollo 13 mission, Jack Swigert, the command module pilot, reported to the mission control center, "Okay, Houston, we've had a problem here." I guess his quote would not have made history if he had said, "Houston, we have an opportunity."
The ugly truth about problems versus challenges is: challenges or opportunities are something we can face. Problems—those we want to solve.
It’s the same with sensitive topics: we should not avoid them, but rather learn to tackle them in the right way.
Calling every little headache a problem just raises an "allergy" against the word. However, when we treat the word "problem" with respect and use it in cases that truly need solving, it is exactly what we should call those situations: a problem.
Avoiding political discussions (or differing opinions about religion) just leads to a political autopilot and voters who turn democracy into the shape of an "X" every four years. A much better approach would be to (re)learn the art of arguing.
It is a lot easier to avoid the conversation, and a lot harder to find the right words to ensure that no one in the room gets offended, and that an opinion leads to an engaging and interesting discussion where perhaps a new viewpoint is shaped—one informed by data, experience, and insights. A discussion without nagging or blaming, free of aggression but full of curiosity and passion.
When we look into the world’s biggest challenges, I am very confident that we are doing well with developing the right technology to solve our problems. But I am very concerned about the oldest technology: human skills—an area in which we are increasingly falling short.
I am curious; please share your experiences with conflicts, arguments, and avoiding sensitive topics.
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